The A-Z of love: F… is for forgiveness

Matthew Johnstone and James Kerr


21:27 GMT, 11 March 2012



21:28 GMT, 11 March 2012

Matthew Johnstone and James Kerr reveal the secrets of how love works. This week, F is forgiveness…

This is an old Native-American parable. ‘I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart,’ a grandfather tells his grandson.

‘One wolf is vengeful, angry and violent. The other is loving and compassionate.’

Hurt can turn to anger, resentment and even violence

Hurt can turn to anger, resentment and even violence

‘Which wolf will win’ the grandson asks.

‘The one I feed,’ the grand- father answers.

So it is with forgiveness. We’ve all been hurt, or wronged by enemies, or worse, by lovers. The way we react defines the health of our relationship.
If we hold on to the hurt, it will turn to anger, resentment and even violence.

Letting it go has the power to change our lives for the better. Forgiveness is essentially selfish. To forgive even makes us healthier — less prone to anxiety and depression, with lower blood pressure. But how do you let go of those things that claw at your insides

One answer is meditation. Find a quiet space and let your mind go and observe the thoughts. Notice that they are just thoughts, just temporary.

Now imagine them floating away. By feeding the compassion inside us we can move on to a happier, healthier place. Which is the place where love lives.


Value: Understand the power of forgiveness to change your life. Forgive for your own sake.
Reflect: Think objectively about what happened and why. Understanding is the first step in forgiving.
Choose: Once you’re ready, choose to forgive. And keep choosing to do so. True forgiveness means forgiving until you’ve forgotten.