The A-Z of love: E is for emotions
James Kerr and Matthew Johnstone reveal the secrets of how love works. This week, E is for emotions….
Relationships often ride on waves of pure emotion.
Today, we’re going to look at one in particular — anger, because anger is by far the most serious threat to lasting love.
James and Matthew say relationships often ride on waves of pure emotion
Relationships tend to die by degrees, slowly beaten down by criticism and contempt. Once compassion has gone, so has your relationship.
All couples fight about the same things — sex, money, bringing up children — but not in the same way.
Those who argue compassionately live to love another day. Those whose arguments are vicious kill the thing they love.
Complaint begins with a gentle request: ‘I need your help.’ It then observes what’s going on: ‘You know those socks on the bathroom floor . . .’
It then states the impact: ‘The mess makes me irritated and resentful.’ And, finally, it asks for input: ‘How can we make this better, together’
It is gentle and generous. Thus, freed from resentment, your lover can listen, learn and respond. Which means you feel loved. Remember:
Contempt kills love. If you find yourself arguing violently, with insults, it’s time to find a counsellor. Complaint is healthy. To protect passion, complain with compassion. Don’t let contempt make you become someone you’re not.Manage your anger. Handled properly, anger can lead to a happier ever after.