The A-Z of love: D is for drama
James Kerr and Matthew Johnstone celebrate the A-Z of love. This week, D is for drama
Wild love, or mild love The whirling dervish of a ruinous romance, filled with flare-ups and falling-outs Or a simple, stable, dependable relationship, filled with cosy fireside chats and the Sunday papers in bed with breakfast
It sometimes feels like mad and bad is the way love should be. A symphony of smashed-up china, broken promises and busted hearts.
Weather the storm: Relationships all experience drama at some point
A famous psychologist, when told that
a particular patient had fallen in love, asked: ‘Who against’ For
some, love seems a battlefield with no winners.
Exhausting. Conflict engages the adrenal glands, prompting a fight-or-flight response and conspiring against lasting love.
Disagreement is an inevitable part of a relationship. Accepting that
an argument is just an argument means you’re on the first step to
resolving your differences.
It’s not whether you argue that matters, but the way you do it. ‘Clean
Communications’ — those that begin with the phrase ‘When you do (X), I feel (Y)’ — are constructive and non-judgmental. They make love last.
But this is love as a disease — a
dis-ease — and not the path to true happiness.
Psychologists tell us
that drama is an addiction, a romantic Polyfilla in the gaps where
intimacy should be.
But we have a choice. Between tragedy, which is based on human suffering, and comedy, which enjoys happy endings.
We can choose the role we take — our
own love story.
While tragedy wins Oscars, comedy is much harder to
It takes timing, wit and a lightness of touch. But it also
provides a much bigger prize — love that lasts.