The A-Z of love: C is for commitment

James Kerr and Matthew Johnstone celebrate the A-Z of love. This week, C is for commitment.

When many of us see the word commitment, we read confinement. Like ‘marriage’, it is more a sentence than a word.

But love is not a feeling. It’s not a flutter in the tummy or fireworks in the mind. Love — true, lasting love — is a choice; in fact, a series of choices that we make every day.


Make the jump: Commitment is leaping between flirting with life and living it

Love means choosing to laugh at the same place at the same story at every dinner party. It means saying: ‘Yes, I’ll do the dishes, even though I cooked the meal.’

COMMITMENT IS…Grasping the nettle. Sometimes love
means just doing the dishes or putting out the rubbish. Short-term pain
can mean a lifetime of gain.A self-fulfilling prophecy. The more committed you are, the less attractive you find other people, studies show. Trying new things. ‘We enter
relationships because the other person expands us,’ says Dr. Aaron, of
McGill University in Canada. ‘Get some of that back by doing challenging
things together.’

It means: ‘Yes, by all means, let’s have the in-laws over for lunch on the afternoon of the FA Cup final.’

So, while C also stands for cute, curvy and come hither, it equally stands for calm, companionship and contentment.

These are the things commitment delivers.

Commitment is a promise we make to ourselves — to choose the one we love, for all their faults, for all time.

It is leaping the gap between flirting with life and living it, between playing at love and it being real.