“I felt ashamed, embarrassed, terrified”: Sarah Harding opens up about her battle with alcohol in first post-rehab interview
She was always known as the one that liked to party.
But Sarah Harding has revealed that her wild ways have stopped after spending time in rehab.
Her battle with alcohol spiralled out of control and the Girls Aloud singer is making a clean start after hitting rock bottom.
Turning it around: Sarah Harding speaks about her battle with alcohol and confronting her demons
Speaking to Hello! magazine she said: “The day I left for rehab, I was in such a mess. I”ve been told by those close to me that was when I hit my worst.
“I was crying hysterically. I felt ashamed, embarrassed, terrified – my emotions were all over the place.”
Sarah said she was having massive mood swings as she drank alcohol to “numb” the pain of feeling down.
Love lost: Tom Crane and Sarah were engaged but their careers got in the way of things
Her relationship with fianc Tom Crane was falling apart and after they broke off their engagement she sought help with depression and alcohol abuse.
She said: “Our lives had started to go in different directions without us even realising and we”d become like passing ships.
“He had his career, I had mine, and somehow they didn”t seem to marry up. As far as our future plans were concerned, I didn”t see how it would work.
Girls Aloud: Nadine Coyle, Kimberly Walsh, Sarah Harding, Nicola Roberts and Cheryl Cole arrive at the Brit Awards 2009
“I was so down but I just tried to keep busy and, to numb myself, I was drinking more. It was my way of escaping.”
As her depression worsened so did her emotions.
She added: “One minute I was deliriously happy, to the point of hysteria, and totally in denial about my problems saying, “I”m fine, I”m fine.” The next it hit me and when it did, it hit me hard. It”s all about acceptance.”
Hello! magazine is out now
It wasn”t until she had dinner with bandmates Kimberley Walsh and Nicola Roberts that she realised she had a serious problem.
The night before she had appeared on the catwalk at a fashion show and went afterwards to celebrate.
After having drank far to much she woke up with a hangover but continued to drink more and more alcohol.
She told the magazine: “The following night, I saw Nicola and Kimberley for dinner. I wasn”t in a good state at all – I was very hungover. But the first thing I wanted to do was open a bottle of wine. I know they were really worried about me.”
The singer – who checked out of the US clinic last month – feels she is now in control.
She added: “I”ve turned 30 now and, although there will always be a bit of the rock chick in me, I”m trying to embrace my softer and more feminine side.”
The new Sarah is trying to be healthy said: “I”ve realised I can socialise without booze.”
The full interview is in the new edition of HELLO! which is out now.