'One should maintain beauty by whatever means necessary': Now even MISS PIGGY admits to Botox
17:21 GMT, 21 March 2012
Actress. Icon. Supermodel. Chanteuse. Muse. Frog-o-phile. Cinema and television superstar nonpareil. Global idol. Envy of millions. International object of lust. A thousand percent goddess. Celebrity royalty. What more can I say
Here comes the pig, people. Bow down, for the sow who put the ow! in wow.
‘Miss Piggy coming through,’ barks an aide into his walkie talkie. ‘Make way for Miss Piggy,’ echo the excited voices in the hotel corridor.
Scroll down for video of the Muppets being awarded a star on the Walk Of Fame
Miss Piggy looks even younger today, left, than she did in 1998, right
Inside the perfumed hush of her gilded corner suite at the Lanesborough hotel in London, a butler busies himself with last minute details.
He wafts a feather duster around the crystal chandeliers, scatters fresh rose petals around the marquetry floor, tweaks the pile of starched cocktail napkins next to a selection of Miss Piggy’s favourite titbits; American brand candy bars, a selection of savoury pies, tiny porcelain cups filled with hot chocolate.
We are here because Miss Piggy’s new film, The Muppets, has been a surprise hit and will be available on DVD later this year.
This burst of success after a long period in the doldrums means that Miss Piggy, compared to other stars, is a…..just at that moment, the double doors to the suite are flung open. A tiny figure is silhouetted against the light.
Fashionista: Miss Piggy wears a dress by Giles Deacon and shoes by Christian Louboutin
‘Hold it right there, sister,’ shouts a familiar, porky voice. ‘There is no one on the planet to compare with moi. So don’t even try it.’
A frisson of something runs around the hotel room. Let’s call it fear. Miss Piggy clip-clops quickly across the petal-strewn floor, her hooves sheathed in her custom-made glitter Louboutins.
She extends one hand, wrapped in a lavender, elbow length glove, to shake my own. Then she pulls my security name tag closer.
‘Moir Moi meets Moir,’ she titters at her own joke, then calls for her butler. ‘Moi wants snacks!’ she yells and flicks her hair. ‘Snacks. Moi!’ she says, pointing to herself, in case anyone was in any doubt.
Up close, Miss Piggy smells of jasmine and cordite, with a faint tang of smoky bacon crisps somewhere in the mix. Her snout is like a giant pink marshmallow and she is rather beautiful but oddly terrifying. For a pig.
She’s an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, covered in crackling. I’m not even sure what to call her. Piggy sounds far too rude, I say, whereas Miss Piggy sounds rather too formal.
‘If it makes you feel more comfortable, you can call me Your Majesty. Although I understand the royal family prefers to keep that moniker for themselves,’ she says. ‘So just call me Miss Piggy – and live with the discomfort.’
There is a trumpety little vibrato in her voice which seems to suggest suppressed anger. So we move on. This is a piquant juncture in Miss Piggy’s career. I’d actually like to say a pig-quant juncture, but her people have told my people that pig jokes go down like bacon burgers at a bar mitzvah. So let’s not be rasher here. Let’s move on again.
After a long period languishing at the lower levels of the celebrity stratosphere – Miss Piggy has made a triumphant comeback.
Disney’s 2011 release of hit film The Muppets not only reunites her with Kermit and the gang, it has put her back in demand like never before. International designer houses such Marc Jacobs and Louis Vuitton clamour to make her clothes and accessories; Ikea are desperate to extend her wardrobe and she has even released her own range of MAC make up.
'When I first read the script and saw my name in it, I knew this movie was going to be a hit,’ she says modestly.
However, despite Miss Piggy’s nuanced portrayal of, er, Miss Piggy in her new movie, she has not personally been nominated for an Oscar this year– a source of no little indignation.
Yes, she was at the ceremony broadcast live from Hollywood last month, but not as a nominee. The world’s most glamorous pig was there as a co-presenter, giving away an Oscar with her on/off partner Kermit the frog at her side. However, one suspects this honour was not much of a consolation for a diva of her magnitude.
Although they aren't married, Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy are still very much an item
'For some reason, the Academy has refused to recognise pigs as actors,' she says in disgust.
year, she shares the pain of Uggie, the canine star of Oscar-tipped
film The Artist, who was also been cruelly overlooked. Indeed, at one
time or another, Uggie, Miss Piggy, Joey the horse in War Horse, Lassie,
Flipper and Russell Crowe have all fallen foul of the Academy’s petty
‘humans only’ apartheid. It is nothing short of a scandal.
I met Uggie, I would say to him, you go dog! I would encourage all of
them,’ says Miss Piggy. ‘Anytime the Academy recognises someone outside
their species, I have hope that they’ll finally come to their senses and
give moi an award. Now. Shall we have a cocktail’
She instructs her butler to rustle us
up a couple of Diva Daiquiris– and also a Grasshopper, just in case her
beloved Kermie shows up. Yes, they are still an item, she says, and
closer than ever before.
and Kermie are perfectly happy together. Ours is the longest-running
interspecies relationship in Hollywood – and trust me, the competition
is fierce. While we are not “married” per se, I speak for both of us
when I say we are deeply, profoundly and irreversibly committed to each
other. So you don’t need to ask him about it if he comes in, okay’
The Muppets were given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in Hollywood
It is an order, not a question. She relaxes on a velvet chaise longue, arranges the mousseline folds of her Vuitton gown and flicks back her platinum hair, which shines like 100 per cent hand spun pure acrylic. I think Madonna and My Little Pony must go to the same hairdresser. I mean, can that stuff be real
Miss Piggy assures me that it is, and who am I to disagree Especially not when sitting within arm’s reach of her notoriously effective karate chop.
‘You can ask absolutely anything you wish,’ she says, smiling in a way that makes my blood chill. ‘However, if it’s something I don’t want to answer, I guarantee you’ll be the first to know. And the last to forget.’
Designers have been clambering to dress Miss Piggy since the new film came out last year
The storyline in the charming new Muppets film reveals that Miss Piggy has spent much of the last decade working in Paris, where she was the Plus Size editor of French Vogue. Remarkable really, I say, particularly as everyone knows that there are no overweight ladies in the whole of France. OK, maybe a few in the south west, but elsewhere…..non!
‘In moi’s opinion, the term Plus Size is an unfortunate misnomer,’ says Miss Piggy. ‘I believe that style comes in all sizes and therefore the bigger you are the more style you have. Don’t you agree Of course you do!’
Ouch. Just when you think that Miss Piggy might be rather lovely after all, out pops the cloven hoof. Still, she does look rather marvellous, even if she admits that celebrated diets such as the Dukan, The Zone and the Raw Food are not for her.
She has her own system and it works a treat. ‘I have a very strict dietary code; I never eat anything I can’t lift. Lucky for moi I can bench press a dessert cart,’ she says.
Yet The Muppets film reveals that during her years in France, Miss Piggy looked more chic than ever before. She wore her hair in a sleek bob and channelled a kind of snouty Anna Wintour look; all Chanel suits and pearls and neatly trimmed trotters.
Today, however, she is back in the old routine of plunging show gowns, purple eye shadow and rhinestone Muppety glitz. Why, Miss Piggy, why
‘When in Paris, dress Parisian,’ she says, ‘but when in Hollywood, you gotta lay it on thick to make an impression. They don’t call it Tinseltown for nothing.’
Of course, when living in Paris, she became close friends with President Sarkozy and his wife Carla Bruni. Indeed it is Miss Piggy who has been credited with former supermodel Carla’s current international success as a fashion icon. ‘Oh, Carla has a style all her own, I just served as a role model, an inspiration, a muse who could open up the world of fabulosity to her,’ says Miss Piggy, waving away any praise with a silky gloved hand.
Today, she is wearing some rather fabulous jewels, including a conker-sized amethyst and some perfect South Sea pearls. She glows with good health and iced doughnut consumption and perhaps her best feature are her eyes; two blazing azure orbs, as inky as Picasso’s paint pots during his blue period. ‘Pig-casso’ she says, warily. ‘That better not be a pig joke, girl, or this interview is over.’
Oh don’t be ridiculous, as if I would ever dare. I wouldn’t even send her a cheeky email, in case she thought it was spam.
Miss Piggy has been out of the limelight for a long time, over ten years at least. Yet like a lot of Hollywood stars, she has returned to the spotlights looking exactly the same as she did before. It’s a miracle! Age has not withered nor cured nor brined her, but surely she has had something done A little trimming of those pork chops here and there
‘Excuse moi Did vous actually use the phrase ‘pork chops’ You wanna see a pork 'chop” up close Come here….HIIIIIIIIIIIII-YAAAAAAAAAA!’
The Muppets film reveals that during her years in France as Plus Size editor of French Vogue, Miss Piggy looked more chic than ever before
Ooof. That was my writing hand. Emphasis on the was. Miss Piggy goes on to argue that she has not been out of the limelight – for a start, she has written a book called The Diva Code in which she offers lesser females advice and tips about living life her way.
Subscribing to the Diva Code means having it all, and making someone else pick up the tab. ‘I want to tell the woman of Britain that the key to happiness is self-discipline. Once you can outsource this, everything else is easy,’ she says, taking a gulp of her Diva Daiquiri. And she insists that actually, she does not look the same as she did a decade ago.
‘I look younger. And the truth is that I have had work done. I’m not afraid to admit it, Moir. I believe one should maintain one’s beauty by whatever means necessary – nip and tuck, Botox, caulking. If it works, do it.’
Botox! On this subject, Miss Piggy’s snout is sealed. And as I prepare to take my leave of Miss Piggy – backwards, curtseying, only ever so slightly bruised – I do think how lovely it is to have the Muppets back. No, they might never win Oscars or appeal to culture snobs, but their timeless appeal and gentle humour transcends generations and trends.
What is the secret of their success Even in the harsh world of Hollywood, the new film shows once more that the Muppets are kind to each other, they love each other and they survive by sticking together and being clever and considerate. There are celebrational and Muppetational in a way that no one else can be.
In The Muppets, Kermit even expresses a wistful regret that he has never made an honest woman of Miss Piggy and only ever sings a duet with her in the Muppet shows if he absolutely has to. Is he about to mend his ways Could things ever change After all, Kermie and Piggy, Piggy and Kermie.
They go together like peaches and cream, like eggs and ba…gels. Is there a happy every after for them
‘Is there You’re looking at it, sweetheart! Moi is living the dream!’ screams the voice from the couch.
Somehow one suspects that Miss Piggy will survive. With or without the frog.
The Muppets film is on general release in the UK. The song Man or Muppet from The Muppets won the Oscar for Best Original Song.
It is one of the few numbers from the film that Miss Piggy doesn’t actually sing on. Don’t get her started.