LIZ JONES MOANS: If that baby starts bawling, I"ll put it in the overhead locker

LIZ JONES MOANSIf that baby starts bawling, I”ll put it in the overhead locker

Funny, outrageous and downright rude. Who”s in Liz Jones” firing line this week

Baby on board: But should they really be flying at this age

Baby on board: But should they really be flying at this age

There is a big row raging in the U.S., following a New York Times piece which ventured that perhaps taking babies on aeroplanes is not a good idea.

The newspaper revealed that Japanese babies never cry on planes, as their parents never yell at them. Also, that before baby boomers, no self-respecting parent ever took a baby on a plane. (This is true. My first flight was aged 15, from Southend to Jersey.)

The backlash from the lactating womencurrently enjoying a year off has been vicious. On mum blogged: ‘I needto act really sorry that I’m even on the plane, then act sorry I chose to have a kid, sorrier even that I don’t live closer to where I’ve chosen to go, and sorry that I need to take these little monsters with me.’

The truth is, it’s single, child-freewomen who are discriminated against, not women who always get to board first and nab the seat with more leg room.

I was once watching Sex And The City 2on a plane when the woman behind me tapped my head, and asked that I watch something else in case her child could see the content through thegap between the seats. Put it in a blindfold!

And then there are the Christmas ads,which always have a cute child at the core — as if the single among us don’t deserve so much as a mince pie.

The only Christmas ad that features single women has us creeping home the morning after the night before, freezing in our mini skirt on our ‘Walk of Shame’ (thank you, Harvey Nichols). It’s as if without the anchor of a child, women lead selfish lives with no moral compass.

And what about the expense! I always spend a fortune on gifts for my nephews and nieces (iPads, Nintendos, MacBook Pros, X Boxes, computer games) while the mother always says: ‘Oh, I never know what to get you, as you are so hard to buy for.’ No I’m not!

I think what these parents think is that being child-free means you are selfish, and have already bought yourself the entirety of Net-A-Porter. I was moaning to my oldest brother about the expense of Christmas, and he said: ‘I’m buying flats for my children so, really, what’s your problem’

The lack of jobs for young people andscarcity of mortgages means parents can now plead poverty for two decades longer than they did pre-2007. Their lifestyle choices should not impact on the content of my Burberry wallet, surely

Proud of her weight gain: But Cheryl Cole is still only a size 8

Proud of her weight gain: But Cheryl Cole is still only a size 8


This is Grazia magazine, waxing lyrical about Cheryl Cole: ‘You realise how much better she looks. She’s gone from stick thin to Jessica Rabbit.’

‘The curves are back, well and truly,’ pipes Cheryl.

‘I’m at home cooking. I’ve got my boobs and bum back and, yeah, I like it. I think it’s sexy.’

So, you are expecting more of a Christina Hendricks body on the cover of the weekly glossy

Um. Well, Cheryl reveals she has put on exactly seven pounds and is now — wait for it — 8st!

Less Jessica Rabbit, more Minnie Mouse.


This is a shoot from U.S. Harper’s Bazaar.

I tell you what makes me sick: it’s that these magazines think they are so right on and so caring. Editor Glenda Bailey made her name launching Marie Claire, with its USP of standing up for women around the world.

But real feminism is when you care about everything that is unjust in the world — such as wearing fur — not just your own salary and length of maternity leave.

I can just hear the model mewing: ‘This is a bag, right I just put my fee for this shoot in this, um, mouth thing’


That”s a dog, not a bag: Harper”s Bazaar models wearing fur