LIZ JONES FASHION THERAPY: Do you want to wear Caprice"s knickers?

LIZ JONES FASHION
THERAPYDo you want to wear Caprice's knickers

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UPDATED:

23:57 GMT, 2 September 2012

There is a host of celebrity underwear available this autumn, from Rosie Huntington-Whiteley for Autograph at Marks & Spencer to Geri Halliwell for Next.

My first question is how on earth do these women know anything about the engineering that goes into a bra, or the technology of fabric And why are famous women with perfectly spherical, gravity-defying breasts the only ones asked to design ranges Surely the pendulous and the flat-chested need more help

If I have learned anything during my 30 years working in fashion, it is that buying expensive silk underwear is just not worth it.

Precious Cappy by Caprice

Elle Macpherson

Rating: Precious Cappy by Caprice (left) scores 5/10; Elle Macpherson Essential Luxury scores 8/10

I once bought a pair of silk cami knickers from Marc Jacobs for 150 that were dry clean only!

So, mindful of my overdraft, I put the new High Street celebrity ranges to the test.

Geri by Next

Kelly Brook for New Look

Rosie for Autograph

Beauty by numbers: Gery by Next (left) scores 4/10; Kelly Brook for New Look scores 8/10; and Rosie for Autograph scores 8/10

While some are hideous and cheap looking, overall I was pleasantly surprised — particularly by the Elle Macpherson Essential Luxury and Kelly Brook for New Look undies.

Now all I need is a hot date!

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Geri by Next

Geri by Next cream silk bra, 18, and briefs, 10, next.co.uk

The
bra has foam in the base of the cup, pushing your bust up. It fits well
and it is a good design for the bigger breasted, but the straps are
very narrow so could cut into the flesh. The fabric is 100 per cent
synthetic.

Geri says the
knicker shapes are ‘very flattering’ but they ride up quickly, and are
cut too long on the leg. The label is too big as well, spoiling the look
and they feel a bit cheap. Marked down due to the awful knickers.

Geri says the the knicker shapes are 'very flattering'

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley insists she is designing for all shapes and sizes

Designers: Geri (left) says the the knicker shapes are 'very flattering' and Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (right) insists she is designing for all shapes and sizes

Rosie for Autograph

In an interview to promote her range of underwear in Elle Magazine, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley insists she is not just designing underwear for her own magnificent body, but for women of all shapes and size.

Actually, out of all the celebrity ranges, these tie as equal best with Elle Macpherson and Kelly Brook. Made from 58 per cent silk, the collection feels classy and sexy, and fits well.

Kelly Brook for New Look

Kelly Brook cream polka dot with black lace bra, 14.99, and briefs, 5.99, newlook.co.uk

I hate polka dot, but if you like a Fifties vibe, this is the set for you. Kelly describes her range as ‘gorgeous and feminine’. The balcony bra is my favourite shape: remember Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City always wore this style as it’s flattering for smaller busts. I think teenage girls will love this range, as it is fairly cheap and not tarty. But it is hand-wash only, which busy women might find annoying.

Kelly Brook

Model Caprice

Elle MacPherson

From left to right: Kelly Brook describes her range as gorgeous and feminine; Caprice designs Precious Cappy; and Elle Macpherson has managed to make synthetic underwear feel classy

Precious Cappy by Caprice

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But this time, I gave myself an
afternoon, and took myself off to the biggest footwear Mecca in London:
the shoe boutique at Selfridges in Oxford Street. My mission To find a
chunky pair of mid-calf biker boots.

Revamped two years ago, it stocks
nearly 70 brands on 35,000 sq ft of floor space. But it has stiff
competition in the capital, most notably at Liberty and Harrods, which
is soon to stock the elusive Manolo Blahnik.

First impressions are good, and the
brands are impressive. There is a Havaianas flip-flop counter, and Ugg
store. Plus Marni, McQueen, Rupert Sanderson, Burberry, Dior, and —
exclusive to Selfridges — is the Truth Or Dare Collection by Madonna,
which is rather ladylike and lovely, with a pair of studded stilettos at
180. Unfortunately, the service leaves a lot to be desired. As I stood
looking at the Marni boots, I asked the sales assistant where I could
find chunkier bikers. ‘Um, I only work in this section,’ she said.

I also found each concession too
small, with not enough choice or smart basics. Eventually, I wandered
into Jimmy Choo (pictured right). ‘Yes, we ’ave a pair, but no size six,’ I’m told. But
15 minutes later, after finding some in the stockroom, I had my boots
(pictured) — at just under 600. At least I’ll save on not having to get
cabs everywhere.