Sport Young women don't want to chip their false nails



22:05 GMT, 16 September 2012

Got a spare minute Go online at remains and you can buy a pair of traffic cones for 5 or an Umpire’s chair for 199 — great for sitting on and bossing your partner as he mows the grass.

The site is busily flogging stuff from our Olympic venues, claiming it’s ‘a chance to own fixtures, fittings and equipment used by some of the most famous sporting personalities in the world’— a dubious claim for the cones, but there’s pedal bins, coat hangers and many nasty green bean bags I suppose Mighty Mo or Jessica Ennis may have possibly touched in passing.

I’m really sad the Games are being dismantled — we’ve missed an ideal opportunity to celebrate older people in the same way as the young Olympic and Paralympic champions. Why didn’t LOCOG hold a Senior Olympics immediately afterwards When I suggested this, loads of you agreed. Masters sports events already exist, starting with a 30-35 age group and no upper age limit, so why not British Senior Olympics

So long: Janet is sad to say goodbye to the Olympics. She says we've missed an opportunity to celebrate older people

So long! Janet is sad to say goodbye to the Olympics. She says we've missed an opportunity to celebrate older people

T he USA Senior Olympics are taking place all this week, in states from Louisiana, Wisconsin, Kansas, to Georgia and Arkansas. Australia holds senior Olympics, too. Over here there’s been silence from Boris, Dave and Seb.

A lot of bilge was written about our Olympic ‘legacy’ —as sales of junk food boomed and Wetherspoons reported excellent business, our main legacy will be beer guts and muffin tops.

More from Janet Street Porter…

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JANET STREET-PORTER: Sorry, Boris, I don't care about the size of your landing strip!

JANET STREET-PORTER: The polo shirt thrift doesn’t fool me, David Cameron

JANET STREET-PORTER: I box, swim and play tennis, but my toughest opponent is age

JANET STREET-PORTER: Don’t tell us oldies how to behave, Dave, I’ll do the job

JANET STREET PORTER: Of course we're smarter than men – but say so and you'll end up alone

JANET STREET PORTER: From T-shirts to hospitals, why I'd choose LESS choice

From T-shirts to hospitals, why I'd choose LESS choice


A few more of us have signed up for gym
memberships, but the reality is, once the Olympic village litter bins
and beds have been flogged off, winter will be here and sport will be
something most of us enjoy from our armchairs.

Meanwhile, the new Culture Secretary, Maria Miller, has written to broadcasters urging them to cover more women’s sport, in order to inspire young women to give up nail extensions and fake tans and start exercising.

Sadly, life doesn’t work like that — although I’d be happy to watch women’s hockey and football — every year we see plenty of women playing tennis on telly at Wimbledon, and it still remains a minority spectacle here.

Maria Miller ranks only 20th in a mainly male cabinet, so she has about as much clout as a wet tea towel.

Instead of bleating about ‘women’ (she’s also the Minister for Women, a non-job as far as Cameron is concerned) she should be implementing my superior idea of Senior Sports Championships — a generation of fit older people would be less of a burden to the NHS and thoroughly enjoy running and participating in such a prestigious event.

I can enter in the doubles of the tennis and senior women’s boxing, and I wouldn’t even need a trendy litter bin. We senior competitors would bring our own lunches, don’t require expensive kit, and can get there for nought on our Freedom passes.

What’s not to like


The Archers has lost the plot

The most irritating characters on The Archers, are without a doubt, whining Linda Snell and bumptious Vicky Tucker, married to Mike the long-suffering milkman.

Why they feature in almost every episode is a mystery. Vicky is expecting, and has been told the baby has Down’s syndrome — with the result that the series has become like a public health announcement.

We’ve heard every detail about the risks older mums face — in fact I could sit a GCSE in human biology. To capitalise on the storyline, BBC bosses were crass enough to run an on-line poll asking if

Vicky should have an abortion.

Following complaints, it was taken down. Last Friday, Vicky announced she would never have an abortion, so we can expect months of further debate about bringing up Down’s children.

How about a decent plot instead of a lecture


Well done! Sarah Millican is avoiding the Ambassador Theatre Group for her next tour because their online charges

Well done! Sarah Millican is avoiding the Ambassador Theatre Group for her next tour because their online charges

A couple of stories about two very different comedians — one nice, one rather creepy. Well done, Sarah Millican (right) for tweeting fans she’s avoiding the Ambassador Theatre Group for her next tour, because of hefty charges they impose on customers buying tickets online. Noel Fielding, on the other hand, asked his 340,000 Twitter followers to attack an art critic who had criticised him, and then congratulated them, saying ‘really creative pummelling’. In a separate incident, he attacked another woman via Twitter, who says it made her ill. His agent says he has now closed his account — hopefully until he can get a sense of perspective.


Popular: First lady Michelle Obama takes the stage during day one of the Democratic National Convention

Popular: First lady Michelle Obama takes the stage during day one of the Democratic National Convention

Critics claim he’s reluctant to take major decisions, but supporters say President Obama remains on top of his job by eliminating distracting clutter.

They call him No Drama Obama — he only wears grey or blue suits, works out at the same time each day, eats the same food and sets aside family time at 6pm.

This routine is designed to give him time to think about ‘more important issues’.

In his re-election campaign Michelle (pictured) is being pushed to the fore, as her popularity ratings far exceed his — last week she was campaigning in Virginia, wowing audiences with her confident speech and camera-friendly manner.

I doubt that the no-choice dress code applies to the First Lady — she is a showcase for U.S. designers, and rarely wears the same dress twice at big events.


Making time for a Danish

Worried about a drop in the local birth rate, a Danish nursery offered two hours’ free child care one evening a week, dubbing it ‘quality copulation time’, when couples could get together to remedy the situation and make babies.

The kindergarten (one of seven through the country which made similar offers) said that of the 42 children enrolled there, 20 would be staying the extra time last Thursday evening — a special party had been laid on so they wouldn’t miss being at home.

Some of the parents said they were dropping off their kids to take advantage of a bit of breathing space, but had no plans to increase the size of their families.

Can you imagine anything similar here

Only if crates of beer, cocktails and a vat of wine was laid on for the parents not the kids.


It's love that matters, Rupert

I once sat on Rupert Everett’s knee at a party (I’d had a few drinks, I admit) — up close his imposing face seemed strangely chiselled and immobile.

He’s a lot of fun — the ultimate bitch, with loads of gossip — and as the extracts from his new book demonstrate, a very talented writer.

Rupert Everett

Misjudged Rupert Everett said he can think of nothing worse than being raised by two dads

As an actor, Rupert is not everyone’s cup of tea, but he’s just received warm reviews for his portrayal of Oscar Wilde on the London stage.

At 53, is he getting crabbier in middle age Interviewed to promote his new book, he says: ‘I can’t think of anything worse than being brought up by two gay dads.’

A bit rich from a man who dressed up in drag to play a headmistress in the remake of St Trinian’s, announcing he based his character on Camilla.

For more than 20 years, Rupert has been open about his sexuality, and has written about his relationships, and that he worked as a prostitute.

He comes from a military background, and perhaps he didn’t want to offend his mother, but why distance himself from a community that has always supported him

Having grown up in a household where both parents (heterosexual) didn’t get on, I would have been happy to trade them for a couple of gay dads. Where’s the evidence that gay parents produce kids with problems The main thing a child needs is unconditional love.