What next for Pips the Hips A romance with Peter Andre
23:18 GMT, 19 April 2012
What a week for Pippa Middleton.
The sister of the Duchess of Cambridge — famous for being a bridesmaid, going to parties, smiling nicely and not much else — has somehow made it on to Time Magazine’s list of the world’s 100 Most Influential People.
With any luck, this will empower millions of young women to wear fascinators, have a nice bottom and look as pretty as a milkmaid, just like her.
Influential sisters: Pippa Middleton has been added to the list
alongside her sister, such is the increase in her popularity since the
Royal Wedding last year
Never mind that Pippa only worked
briefly as a party planner and has done nothing relative except be a
relative; there she is, right up there with Warren Buffett, Benjamin
Netanyahu, Angela Merkel and Hillary Clinton.
Just what has prompted the elevation of Pips the Hips — alongside her sister — to the ranks of the planet’s most potent movers and shakers
The magazine’s Europe editor said: ‘The Middletons have become avatars of aspiration. Other women aim to dress like them, to emulate their easy athleticism and their more problematic slenderness.’
Eh That’s a bit disappointing, isn’t it Kate and Pippa are quite lovely, but not every woman aspires to play hockey in a pair of Reiss jeggings, you know.
Some of us have bigger, greater, more meaningful ambitions.
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Personally speaking, I’m hoping to ditch the sealskin and move into this spring’s kicky floral pleats before the end of the week, weather permitting.
This also might come as a shock to Time, but I have it on good authority that there are women out there who want more for themselves and for the world than the ability to look good in navy-and-white stripes in the Royal Box at Wimbledon once a year.
And anyway, while the Middleton sisters might be many things — many good things, I might add — they are not fashion icons.
Just look at Pippa. She is one of those rich, glossy daughters of the Shires; a gel who never strays too far from neutral classics, tweeds, white jeans, loafers and the timeless comfort of a nice pastel pashmina.
Style-wise she is 27 going on 50, but so what There is nothing wrong with that — let’s just not pretend she is something she is not.
Global avatar Come off it. In the chocolate box of life, Pippa is just another hazelnut whirl, one who is lucky enough to find herself in the top tier, sitting pretty next to her royal sister. And this week, she is also in a spot of trouble.
It’s bad enough that she was photographed with assorted smirking Eurotrash playboys, including her friend the designer Vicomte Arthur de Soultrait, at a louche party in Paris.
Much worse was the fact that later, one of them openly brandished a gun (fake or real, we do not know) as they drove through the French capital in a sports car.
Pippa thought this was — wot a larf! — a very funny prank.
Others thought that the sister of the future Queen of England should behave with a little more decorum, and so she should.
Disturbing: Pippa Middleton is pictured being driven around Paris in an Audi convertible on Saturday. The driver of the car was later pictured pointing what looks like a semi-automatic pistol at a photographer
What comes next A romance with Peter Andre, and topless modelling some Bulgari jewels for an in-flight magazine
Shortly after the Royal Wedding last year, I wrote here about the ‘swarms of rogues and rascals’ who would want to get close to Pippa to ‘distil some of that royal potency for their own dastardly ends’.
Too right. I’m a regular little Mystic Meg. For it cannot be ignored that De Soultrait, a designer who has a polo-inspired sportswear line, recently bought a famous French gunsmith brand with a view to relaunching it as a heritage clothing line.
The brand boasts a pair of duelling pistols as its logo — now that is a funny coincidence, isn’t it
While it was disastrous for Pippa to be photographed anywhere near a gun in the middle of Paris, it was terrific publicity for him. And it made her look pretty foolish.
Pippa Middleton did not seek fame; it was thrust upon her in a lightning bolt of royal patronage. Yet it is becoming obvious that she had better get herself a more efficient strategy for dealing with it — and start choosing her friends more carefully while she’s at it.
For her whole life changed in a moment at her sister’s wedding. Poured into a column of buttermilk satin so tight that she had to mince down Westminster Abbey like a Fake Bake geisha, Pippa was a sensation.
She also got the best deal out of the Windsor-Middleton nuptials, which was all the attention with none of that tedious and restraining protocol to cramp her style.
We all wondered what Pippa would do with her new-found fame. A year on, the answer seems to be . . . not very much.
Hand in hand: Pippa Middleton and Antoine de Tavernost, the son of French TV CEO Nicolas de Tavernost pictured at a party last Friday night
As the Duchess of Cambridge grows and thrives in her myriad roles as Queen-in-waiting, charity patron, RAF wife and Duchess, Pippa continues to drift. Just like a chandelier, she is now a fixture at any society party or VIP sporting event, blazing away in the middle of the room.
Four years ago, she was named Number One Society Singleton by Tatler magazine — always more of an insult than an accolade, I feel. Anyway, with her last steady boyfriend long vanished from the scene, Pippa seems to be right back where she started.
Let’s hope she doesn’t follow the path of Princess Margaret, another secondary royal sister with a taste for louche friends and parties.
Or Tara Palmer-Tomkinson, another naughty sister and society beauty — whose roistering years of romantic adventures and drug experiments have so far failed to land her Mr Right.
With every dodgy beau, with every inappropriate party appearance, with every unfortunate headline detailing her latest exploits, Pippa takes another step in that direction.
Part of me hopes that Pippa Middleton will disappear quietly back to the Shires and marry some lovely, boring but sensible bloke. That she runs away from the circus, rather than towards it with open arms.
But she’s young and beautiful and hell-bent on having a good time.
So I don’t suppose she will.
Posh certainly doesn’t represent me. Or most women, I suspect.
This cool Duda is just a baby
Trend setter: Duda Bundchen
Duda Bundchen is the five-year-old niece of supermodel Gisele. Auntie is the richest model in the world — and little Duda is hot on her heels.
The super-cute tot is already a model herself, no surprises there.
However, she has also designed own eco-friendly clothes range. No really, she has. The range, called Brandili Mundi, has been ‘overseen’ by the fashion- conscious nipper from inception to finished item.
‘She told us about her preferences on prints, cuts and details — and based on the briefing we received from her we came up with a collaborative collection. The pieces were all approved,’ say the label.
Yeah. That was my reaction, too. What a lot of turbo-tycoon toddler nonsense.
The only concern little girls of Duda’s age should have about clothes is how much mashed banana they can cake onto the front of a T-shirt.
Leave her alone to be a baby — because that’s what she is.
COLEEN FASHION SNOBS SHOULD BE ASHAMED
This week, Grazia magazine decreed that a dress can no longer be fashionable or desirable — indeed, its cachet is ruined, darling — if Coleen Rooney wears it.
On the magazine’s hugely popular fashion blog, one of the team wrote about a Roksanda Ilincic shocking-pink dress called the Margot, tipped to be the dress of the season.
It has sold out several times over and been worn by American actress Ginnifer Goodwin and, yes, even by Grazia’s very own editor Jane Bruton. So it’s cool, it’s a hot frock and then — it’s a catastrophe. ‘Basically, it was all going so well.
Until . . . Coleen Rooney rocked up to the first day of Aintree clad in her very own Margot dress,’ says Grazia. Really.
How incredibly ghastly can you get Say what you like about her, but Coleen is a wonderful fashion ambassador. She is also probably much admired by Grazia readers who live in the real world — and not in a supercilious, snooty fashion bubble.
Does this mean that Grazia approves of lovely clothes only if they are worn by the ‘right’ people Apparently so.
The blog goes on to whimper about the same thing happening with Stella McCartney’s sheer spotty dress last year. ‘First, Kate Winslet, Livia Firth and Liv Tyler wore it and so it seemed fabulous and super fashion,’ gurgles Grazia.
‘Then Tess Daly and Amy Childs got hold of it and suddenly it lost its edge.’
At least — at the very least — Tess, Amy and Coleen probably paid for their own dresses.
Notoriously, fashion magazine journalists see nothing wrong in accepting free or heavily discounted clothes and accessories from designers keen for the kind of sycophantic coverage that magazines such as Grazia specialise in.
That’s bad enough. Sneering at women who don’t pass their in-house snob-o-meter is even worse.
‘Will some cool girl please come and revive Margot’s reputation’ whimpers the mag.
They should be ashamed of themselves.
What a load of cobblers
Speaking of baby steps, Chloe Green has just launched her first shoe range.
The daughter of Sir Philip Green has designed a capsule collection of eight styles to be sold in Top Shop stores, conveniently owned by daddy.
What are they like To be honest, I’ve seen daintier Victorian diving boots.
Those on a budget could try lashing a pair of breezeblocks onto their feet to get the Chloe look.
Chloe Green, left, at the launch for her new shoes, right
‘I’m so happy,’ Chloe said of her CJG range. ‘It is so crazy to see a sketch, then a shoe, and then fit it and then see it here, it’s the best feeling.’
I’m sure it is, babe. Depressingly, Chloe’s shoes are just more cobblers from another talent-free child of the rich and famous, trying to carve herself a slice of Mum and Dad’s fame pie.
Strike a light
One is a world-famous supermodel with a personal fortune of millions, a property portfolio, a designer wardrobe and a glamorous jet-set life.
The other is a traveller woman, currently in court facing accusations of conspiracy to hold eight unnamed persons in servitude and requiring them to perform compulsory labour.
One holidays in St Barts; one faces the possibility of holidaying behind bars.
On paper, these fag hags have nothing in common. Kate Moss and Josie Connors come from separate worlds — but you have to admit, they also look like they were separated at birth.
Ciggie sisters: Josie Connors, left, and Kate Moss both enjoy smoking