"I was hooked when I was 12": How a high-flying beauty editor picked drugs over her career

'I was hooked when I was 12': How a high-flying beauty editor picked drugs over her career

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UPDATED:

23:05 GMT, 7 September 2012

A former high-flying beauty editor has told how she picked drugs over her career.

Former Cond Nast employee Cat Marnell, 29, said that she first got hooked on prescription pills aged 12, when her parents gave her sleeping aid and Addreall, a stimulant used to treat ADHD.

For years she managed to keep her addiction under wraps, finding success as a journalist in New York, but eventually her problems began to take their toll shattering personal and professional relationships.

Hooked: Cat Marnell has revealed that she became addicted to prescription drugs from the age of 12

Hooked: Cat Marnell has revealed that she became addicted to prescription drugs from the age of 12

Describing how her substance abuse started Ms Marnell,who grew up in a wealthy neighborhood in Maryland, told Page Six Magazine: 'My dad prescribed me Adderall and gave me my first sleeping pill when I was 12. Adderall is the devil. It ruined my life.'

Following an abortion she received benzodiazepine and Xanax and shortly after she became a 'doctor shopper' visiting numerous pharmacies and taking up to nine pills a day.

After severing all ties with her family, Ms Marnell now lives in New York in an apartment papered with 'druggy' muses such as Kate Moss and Amy
Winehouse, and she spends most of her time high on illegal substances such as cocaine, pot and pills.

Isolated: Ms Marnell's anti-social habits have destroyed personal and professional relationships

Isolated: Ms Marnell's anti-social habits have destroyed personal and professional relationships

Cat Marnell

Cat Marnell

On a high Ms Marnell says that she does have the desire to change and stop but she's not ready yet

On a typical night out she relies on a dangerous cocktail of Vyvanse, Adderall, Provigil, Gatorade and vodka to keep going until the early hours.

Ms Marnell previously worked at Cond Nast as a beauty editor, first at Glamour and then at Lucky, but in the end the company was forced to send her to rehab as her drug problems surfaced.

Most recently she was employed by women's website xojane.com but she was fired this summer because she refused to seek help.

'I don't want to die and I'm not a heroin addict… I do have a desire to change and stop; I would really love not to be on pills. I just don't know if the AA thing is what I want right now. I get very bored by it. I'm just not ready for it yet,' she added.

'I choose drugs over sex and
always have.. I
have tons of friends, but the subtext of those relationships is, well,
they're sort of like party people

Two weeks after being unemployed she was picked up by Vice Magazine, who offered her the opportunity
to keep an uncensored blog of her drug-addled life called 'Amphetamine Logic'.

In a controversial twist Ms
Marnell now gets paid to party, take drugs and write about it. But
editor-in-chief of the magazine, Rocco Castoro, says that he isn't
encouraging Cat to live an unhealthy lifestyle, and hopes her accounts
will educate others.

He told Page Six Magazine: 'We
don't glorify it; we're just honest about it. Anyone who knows someone
who uses drugs knows: You can't tell them to stop. From the beginning, I
told her, 'I'm not going to be your parent.'

As well as being open about her drug problems, Ms Marnell, who is a slender 98 pounds is also a self-confessed bulimic, an issue she blames on her mother.

According to the blogger, she receives no money from her family and is not in contact with them. She also lives alone as she can't hold down relationships and
she claims that, as well as her career, 'I choose drugs over sex and
always have.'

She adds: 'I'm not a happy person. I'm a narcissist, but I hate myself. I
have tons of friends, but the subtext of those relationships is, well,
they're sort of like party people… You go where the
drugs are.'