'Know when to say no. If you're not sure say it anyway': Lifestyle
advice from Honest Toddler, the seriously troublesome tot taking Twitter
Toddler's hilarious verdicts on Mommy's attempts at discipline, cooking and bedtime stories have generated over 103,000
23:25 GMT, 4 October 2012
If you have ever
wondered how a two-year-old might feel about, say, breakfast, or the
'time out' method of discipline, then you have not yet discovered Honest
tot, who will not reveal their identity, has earned a huge following on
Twitter thanks to musings on Mommy's Pinterest recipes, getting lost in
the Ikea kitchen department and potty training.
Now, in an exclusive interview, Honest Toddler reveals diet and fashion tips, as well as the secrets to success.
Lifestyle tips: Honest Toddler has shared advice on diet, fashion and getting your own way
'Know when to say “no”,' HT tells MailOnline. 'If you're not sure say it anyway.'
terms of style, HT has some sage advice: 'Don't be peer pressured into
wearing unnecessary items like hats or pants or shoes. Like Russell
Simmons says, “Do you.”'
A good fit is also essential, and skinny denim is a serious no-no.
'Never wear jeans so tight you can't
put several smooths rocks inside your pockets. The road to hipsterdom is
paved with bad decisions at Baby Gap,' HT warns.
'Don't be peer pressured into wearing unnecessary items like hats or pants or shoes. Like Russell Simmons says, “Do you”'
vigilant. Get naked. Also, if you weren't even conceived when a band
was playing don't wear their toddler-sized T-shirts because it makes you
Diet is another
subject important to HT. Twitter informs us of a love of chocolate (no
matter where it may have been found) and cookies – especially if they
come from Grandma, however the scope is (slightly) broader, so take
'[I eat] refined carbohydrates (no brown rice) and milk. I enjoy bananas with the strings removed or burned off,' HT says.
important to me which is why I try not to ever stop moving. Yesterday I
popped and locked in a grocery store check-out line for five full
minutes. A sign broke. It might be on YouTube I dunno.'
Fashion faux pas: Honest Toddler warns
against skinny jeans (left), baby band tees (centre, 'it makes you a
liar') and being peer pressured into wearing unnecessary items like
shoes (right) 198
Of course a degree of downtime is key,
and when one is absolutely forced to go to bed, stories do make the
process easier to handle. HT's current book of choice is If You Give a
Mouse A Cookie, apparently 'a story about greed and enabling rodents to
Why one should be expected to sleep all night long is beyond HT though.
always been (in)famous in my family on account of me causing the most
problems at night due to repeated small requests. A trophy ceremony has
not been formally arranged but I can feel one on the horizon. Fingers
'CRYING. CAN'T REMEMBER WHY': HONEST TODDLER HIGHLIGHTS
In time out because haters gonna hate. Period.
If you're not meant to open a box of cereal at both ends why is it possible.Crying. Can't remember why but imma see it to the end.Please look alive when reading bedtime stories. Pretend Facebook is watching.Grandma I am not being cared for. So hungry for cookies, too. So so hungry. I can barely see.
People who try to text and push the swing at the same time. Feel like I'm in a blender. #toddlerproblems
RT if there is someone in your life always holding you back. Like literally holding your upper arm so you can't run.So if you want cake for breakfast it's called muffin. Lol adults, I see what you did there.
How about we stop the potty training and just try to love me for me. :(Daddy just read this bedtime story like his hair was on fire. That's fine I'll just get my wisdom from the TV.
I think grandma is seeing other children.
Honest Toddler, which also exists as a blog and Facebook page with a 46,000-strong fan-base, is described as: 'Not potty trained. Not trying.'
General mischief is a popular theme; a tweet yesterday read: 'Breaking glass sounds like applause. That can't be an accident.'
Another, posted on Tuesday, said: 'Ripped up some paper money. You should see her face.'
Regular readers of the posts have
become familiar with themes, such as Mommy's penchant for childrenswear
purchased on Etsy and recipes found on Pinterest.
Neither, as one can imagine, have been well-received.
'Pinterest recipes should include instructions on how to break the news to your family,' HT writes.
'Pizza with cauliflower crust for
dinner Jesus take the wheel… Mommy's Pinterest abomination came out of
the oven smelling like lies.'
Use of Twitter terminology such as retweets, hashtags and 'Follow Friday' is also used to great effect.
'RT if you're awake before five and hoping for pancakes,' reads one.
suggests: '#FF Daddy. You were born a tattle but I forgive you. See me
later about some chocolate I found. I think it's chocolate.'
current events come into play, such as the scandal surrounding the
publication of photographs of the Duchess of Cambridge sunbathing
'Revealing photos of me are all over Facebook and Instagram so I know how Kate Middleton feels right now,' he comments.
Last month it emerged that Honest Toddler had signed a book deal with Simon & Schuster in the U.S., HarperCollins Canada and Orion UK.
news was revealed via Twitter with HT informing followers: 'Mama’s
drinking celebration wine during daylight hours. Said something about a
book deal and name brand cereal from now on.'
For more from The Honest Toddler, visit the Facebook page or thehonesttoddler.com