Baby heartbreak: Steps star Ian 'H' Watkins speaks about tragic loss as a surrogate miscarries his child
11:35 GMT, 13 May 2012
Steps star Ian 'H' Watkins has spoken about his grief with partner Craig Ryder that a surrogate has miscarried their unborn child.
The singer, 36, has said that being told the news was the worst thing that has ever happened to him.
Having made efforts to become parents for years, he and Craig are now taking each day as it comes.
Heartbreak: Steps star Ian 'H' Watkins has spoken about his grief with partner Craig Ryder that a surrogate has miscarried their unborn child
Ian told The People that hearing the news that his child's heart stopped beating was the 'worst moment of his life.'
He continued: 'We were thinking of names, and we even planned our first Christmas as a family. We were both ready to be Dads.'
'I just feel really empty and helpless. The only person who can help me is Craig.'
Ian admitted that one thing which has made the painful news a little easier to deal with is the fact that they didn't yet know the sex of the baby.
Long struggle: Ian and Craig attempted a lengthy adoption process before opting for surrogacy
Nevertheless, having already organised a nursery and filled it with everything the new baby could need, he is still struck daily by grief at his loss.
Initially Ian and Craig kept quiet
when their surrogate told them the news that she was pregnant, but after
the three-month scan they felt able to share the news to those close to
The singer revealed that he showed his Steps bandmates photos of the scans during rehearsals for their comeback tour.
One extremely difficult occasion for Ian since was Steps concert, throughout which he had to perform as though he hadn't a care in the world.
But Ian says that his bandmates have been very supportive, and came round to comfort him when they heard the news.
Small comfort: Ian says that it has helped a little that they didn't know the sex of the baby
He says: 'The way I try to look at it is that there's another little star in the sky. It just wasn't meant to be for us at this time.'
Ian and Craig talked about having children from a very early stage in their relationship, and decided in 2008 to adopt.
The couple had already attempted the lengthy adoption process, but after a year and a half, having made little progress, decided to try surrogacy.
Ian, who has been with Craig for nearly five years spoke about their plans to become parents in July last year.
He gushed: 'Yes, we are planning to have a baby! We've always wanted to have a family and now we are halfway through our surrogacy process.
'We think we have found our egg donor, and we're hoping to confirm the lady who will be carrying our baby soon.'
Craig, a successful actor who has starred in a number of West End musicals including We Will Rock You and Priscilla Queen of the Desert, said: 'We love each other and we want to nurture a child in the world.'
Ian, who told his parents about the decision on Mother's Day, added: 'They were over the moon. This will be my parents' first grandchild, so they are really excited.'